Chei and Chai: A concept

"There's no eye in e-ndividual"

It is funny how often we lie to ourselves, and not so much about the little things like “I’m so in love with so and so” or “my purpose in this life is…”  It’s often the biggest thing of all…”I’m sane!” I guess what’s really funny is the willingness, the ease with which we do it. Mucu is feeling sane with a hundred others.

What are the odds that we get to truly understand the difference between what is worth considering and what isn’t? Speaking of odds, I detested math in my tune up years and the fact that there was always something more interesting to think about and or do, did little to help. What was the probability Ms. Itah would be my teacher instead of Mr. Mugerwa? ½, like that coin thing? Maybe there’s some random variable I’m missing…SMEA…Chei!

As usual I keep doing the most to myself. "Aye man listen," my daemon said, “you work brilliantly under pressure. Get it done five minutes to deadline.” Chei!

Sometimes, just sometimes…this life thing feels like an uninspired evening…with a sun setting ‘how it wants’…a jigsaw puzzle themed date with self. All I see are some plausible ideas, a couple of clues…basically many things and nothing. If the clouds won’t bring any inspiration, Chai?

Dunning-Kruger effect? I recently tasked myself to get expressively angry and deservingly so, at things/situations that seemingly irk me and I have come to the realization that I overestimated my ability. Self-awareness and meta-cognition? I don't know yet. Only more questions have been birthed. Say, maybe i'm not that deeply concerned about these situations that seem to bother me. Does thinking about turtles with human like grins during these times make me incompetent? Why does it have ten incisors? Perhaps this puzzle isn't for me right now. Chei!

Trust is a funny thing. In my conversations with friends, I find silent triggers, moments, questions answered (that affirm your trust in something/someone) intriguing, mostly because of their subtlety. It’s really difficult to recall accurately, the moment you decided you trusted something/someone. Not realized…decided!

The end of knowing for the individual. At the moment, my interpretation of this is limited to my understanding of death but it might also be argued that limited sensory perception limits knowing…the end? Why do I find myself seeking more? I find myself drawn to the idea that a person’s unique nature and energies can be defined precisely. Think Myers Briggs meets Natal chart. Perhaps, this is because it's an almost effortless fix. You get a lot more from an MBTI (also inaccurate, the big five model is more useful) but where’s the fun in knowing that the reason for my incompetence is not because mars’ sextile position uniquely interferes with my third house? Speaking of houses…sips chai.

A community of conversation. Everyone using language in an alienated, representational, denotative way assuming that words used in conversation simply reflect our inner worlds. If every conversation assumed autonomy and became an I, on that subtle plane...seven billion to one? I digress. Why does everyone seem so content with the knowledge they possess. Why isn’t civil dialogue a thing? There’s no eye in e-ndividual. Food for thought with some chai unless thought isn’t hungry, then it’s just chai.

And now the puzzle is complete-ish. All the ‘connected’ pieces are so in love and purpose rests on the edges of the final ones. Not feeling sane. Not at all.